well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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