I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
