I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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