I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
