On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
