I cannot find my penis.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
