umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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