If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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