you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
