Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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