I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
he just fucked me for my cheese..
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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