things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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