Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
