I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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