I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
