Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
