Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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