somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
