Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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