I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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