He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
babies were throwing up all over the place
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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