so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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