And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
