I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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