Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
