this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
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