I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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