No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
