My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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