im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
