this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
