life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
