We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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