She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
