she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I think i got beer on your cat.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
