she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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