He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
