my text book just quoted the cookie monster
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
