Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
