Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
