the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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