Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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