Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
