You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
