Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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