I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
