Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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