Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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