remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
