I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize