My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
