so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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