The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
