I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
