I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
