We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
