You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
