so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I stole a fireplace last night.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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