No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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