FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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