I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
