By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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