Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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