Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
