he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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