do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
