I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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