Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
